All I Want for Christmas
by writtinginthedark
Summary: Christmas is drawing near and something seems to be wrong with Jess. Will Becker be able to figure out what it is and help her?


Disclaimer: I don't own Primeval or its characters. Or the lyrics at the end of the story.

Summary: Christmas is drawing near and something seems to be wrong with Jess. Will Becker be able to figure out what it is and help her?

Length: 3994

Author's Note: The idea for this came to me as I was listening to the song _All I Want for Christmas is You_ (because apparently everything I write at the moment has to be based on a song). I decided to write and post it as a Christmas present/thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of my story _Open Mic Night_ (which I am still working on, I haven't stopped and I'll have the next chapter ready for you buy Monday). You guys know who you are and you're all awesome, all the reviews are amazing to receive. So **Thank You and Merry Christmas Everyone.** Enjoy X

* * *

All I Want For Christmas

 _December 21_ _st_

It was the staff Christmas party and Becker was trying incredibly hard not to be a scrooge, but every time a drunken merrymaker came near him he wanted to punch something. It wasn't that he didn't like the holidays, he actually quite enjoyed them. He liked getting to take a break from being a solider and going home to see his family—and though he would deny it to everyone—he looked forward to seeing his young nieces and nephews and spending the day playing with them. To them he wasn't Becker, the young captain who commanded fear and respect; he didn't have to worry about always being in control or not letting anything show. No, to them he was just fun Uncle Hil, and sometimes he wished that was all he had to be.

No, it wasn't the holidays that he hated, it was people using them as an excuse to get drunk and act like idiots that he hated. Honestly, he didn't know why he even bothered to come tonight.

 _You came because Jess is here,_ his irritating inner voice whispered to him.

Looking around the room Becker could see his teammates enjoying themselves. Matt and Emily had found a corner to themselves and were looking at each other nauseatingly, something they had been doing a lot of since becoming an 'official' couple. Not that they had been fooling anyone beforehand. Meanwhile Abby and Connor seemed to be dividing their time between dancing and mingling with their co-workers.

His gaze continued to wander the room until coming to rest on Jess.

 _Not that I had been seeking her out._

She was sitting at a table across the room, someone Becker recognised as one of the lab technicians talking to her. She looked as lovely as ever, expect for one thing, she was frowning, something Becker never saw Jess do. At first he thought she just disagreed with something the tech was saying, but as he continued to watch her Becker realised that couldn't be the case. Jess wasn't one to shy away form giving her opinion when she disagrees with someone; it was one of the things he loved about her.

 _Wait, when did I start loving things about her?_

But in this case she just sat there, looking as though she wished the tech would go away. Thinking that he was making unwanted advances towards her, Becker got up and made his way across the room.

His heart warmed at the smile she gave him when she saw him approach. Returning her smile Becker sat down beside her and draped his arm casually across her shoulders.

 _Not that it means anything; I'm just trying to get this guy to leave her alone._

Becker joined in the conversation, all the while keeping his arm around her shoulders. When the tech made no move to leave Becker decided to take it up a notch. He started rubbing circles on her shoulder and looking down at her with what he hoped was a loving—and not creepy—expression; reminding himself the whole time that it was just to get the tech to leave her alone and that it didn't mean anything. But when Jess settled further into his side and brought her head to rest on his shoulder, part of his resolved snapped.

 _Oh who am I kidding, of course this means something to me. She means something to me._

Not long after Jess had laid her head on his shoulder the tech left, finally getting the message that she wasn't interested.

"Thank you." Jess said after sitting in silence for a while.

"For what?"

"For coming to keep me company, I was starting to get lonely."

Becker pulled her closer to him, and placed a kiss on the top of her head. If anyone said anything he'd just blame his actions on the alcohol.

Becker thought her comment was her way of telling him that she was glad he had saved her from the tech. He had no idea she had actually been feeling lonely, nor did he know how deeply that loneliness ran.

They spent the rest of the evening in the booth, talking happily. At different points in the evening the other members of the main team would come over and sit with them, contributing to whatever conversation was going on.

Becker didn't see Jess's frown return again that night, and by the time the party ended she seemed to be in a much better mood, which put Becker in a good mood.

* * *

 _December 23_ _rd_

When Becker got into work that morning he noticed Jess seemed as out of sorts as she had at the Christmas party earlier that week. He didn't like seeing Jess like this; she was always so bubbly and bright, seeing her so upset made everything seem darker.

Becker marched over to the ADD, intending to find out what was bothering her, but the alarms went off before he could and the team left to deal with an anomaly.

Arriving at the anomaly site—a football field—they found it overrun with creatures that looked like small penguins. Connor immediately launched into a description of what the creatures were and where they came from, but Becker wasn't listening, he was more interested in the voice coming over the comms.

"Oh my gosh, they're so cute! Bring me back one." Jess exclaimed, sounding happier than she had looked when they left. Becker smiled at hearing the Jess he knew return.

But his relief was short lived as the melancholy had soon returned to her voice. Becker was starting to get seriously worried about Jess; in all the time he'd known her he'd never seen Jess this way. Sure she had bad days and was down every now and then, but it was never this hard to get her to laugh.

Try as he might, nothing Becker said did any good. Her voice remained flat, and he knew that if he could see her he'd see a frown adorning her face.

###

It took all morning for the team to herd the little penguins back through the anomaly, which mercifully stayed open long enough for them to do so.

When they returned to the ARC Becker went straight to the ADD. Reaching it, Becker pulled a small box out of his pocket and laid it on the desk in front of her.

"Sorry it's not a miniature penguin."

"What's this for?" Jess asked, looking from the box of chocolates in front of her up to the man that had placed them there.

"You seemed down when I saw you this morning; I just wanted to do something to cheer you up."

Jess jumped up and threw her arms around his neck. Surprised Becker returned her embrace.

"Thank you." She said as she pulled back from him, a smile now on her face. "This was very sweet of you."

"I'd do anything to make you happy." Her smile grew at his words and she ducked her head to hide the blush that was coming over her face.

Becker left her, satisfied that he had successfully cheered her up and that he wouldn't be seeing a frowning and depressed Jess again any time soon.

* * *

 _December 24_ _th_

When Becker arrived at work he was certain he would see a happy and excited Jess sitting at the ADD—it was Christmas Eve after all—but when he got to the Operations Room he saw that was not the case. In fact, Jess looked sadder than she had yesterday, if that was even possible.

Emotions surged through Becker. He was worried about Jess, and confused as to why she would be so upset. But more than anything Becker was determined to find out what was causing her so much turmoil. However the alarms went off before he got the chance to talk to her.

Like the day before, the team spent the morning trying to get the creatures that came through the anomaly back to their own time. Today's incursion involved reindeer, of all things.

 _First mini penguins, now reindeer; it's like even the anomalies are getting in the Christmas spirit._

Again Jess's voice as she commanded the team was flat, almost completely devoid of any emotion. She sounded almost robotic, and it perturbed Becker deeply.

On his way back to the ARC Becker stopped again at a sweets store, hoping that another box of her favourite chocolates would cheer Jess up.

Arriving back at the ARC Becker went directly to the hub and laid the box on Jess's desk in front of her, like he had yesterday.

"Thank you." Jess said as she looked up at him. She gave him a smile but Becker didn't believe for a second that he had succeeded in making her feel any better.

"What's wrong Jess? Worried Santa won't bring you what you want for Christmas?" He asked, trying to make her laugh.

Jess sighed. "What I want for Christmas can't be wrapped up and delivered." That said, Jess turned back to the ADD and continued on with her work. Jess's comment did nothing to relieve Becker's confusion and his anxiety only increased. Nearing a state of panic Becker went in search of Abby, hoping she could shed some light on the situation.

He found Abby in her office attached to the menagerie, going through some paperwork. He knocked on the door frame to get her attention. Her surprise at seeing Becker in her office was clearly displayed on her face.

"Becker!? What can I do for you?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Jess."

"What about her?" Abby asked, frowning.

"Have you noticed how out of sorts she's been lately? She seems so depressed."

"Of course I've notice, but it's understandable, considering what this time of year generally means."

"What do you mean?" Becker was now more confused than he had been to begin with. "Considering what exactly?"

"Wait, don't you know?"

"Know what?"

"I thought with all the time you two spend together she would have told you."

"Told me what?" Becker was starting to get frustrated, so far all Abby had done was confuse him further.

"Jess doesn't like the holidays."

"What? Of course she does, she decorates the ARC every year."

"She does that so everyone else can enjoy Christmas, you should see her flat, it's completely devoid of anything Christmas related."

"Why does she hate the holidays?"

"She doesn't hate them, she just doesn't enjoy them. It's because of her parents."

"Why? What did they do to make her stop enjoying Christmas?"

"Nothing." Abby hesitated before continuing. "Look, Becker, I'll tell you what happened, but it's not something Jess likes talking about, so don't go mentioning it."

Becker nodded his understanding; he had no intention of bringing up something that made Jess so upset.

"When Jess was sixteen her parents passed away. She had no siblings, her grandparents had passed away when she was a child, and neither of her parents had any siblings either. Because of how advanced she was, she was granted adult status and got a small flat of her own. She's been alone ever since then and the holidays—with their emphasis on family—just makes her remember how alone she is. That's why she doesn't decorate her flat, so she isn't constantly reminded that she's on her own."

"But I've been to her flat at Christmas time and it's always decorated, heck I've helped decorate it. Plus she's never seemed this depressed before."

"She did that because Connor and I were there, she didn't want us to miss out on Christmas just because she didn't celebrate it. As for why she's never seemed this sad, I think that's also because of me and Connor. We would spend the morning with her and then go to lunch with our families, then when Connor and I got back, the three of us would get take out or have leftovers from lunch and watch movies for most of the night. I think that made it easier on her, made her feel less alone."

"Well why aren't you doing that this year?" Becker all but shouted. He couldn't believe they would abandon her during what was clearly a very difficult time.

"Don't you think I asked her if she wanted to spend Christmas together? I spent weeks trying to convince her to at least come over for dinner and our movie marathon, but she refused every time. She's convinced that Connor and I would rather spend Christmas just the two of us now that we're married."

Becker sighed and ran his hand through his hair in frustration; that sounded exactly like Jess, always trying to put others happiness first.

"I'm worried about her too, but it's not like I can make her do something she doesn't want to."

Becker knew Abby was right; she couldn't force Jess to do something she didn't want to. But there was no way Becker was going to let Jess go back to spending Christmas alone. It was with this thought in mind that Becker began concocting a plan.

* * *

 _December 25_ _th_

That morning Jess woke up at nine o'clock and for a few blissful seconds she wasn't aware of what day it was or what that meant. But one look at her alarm clock and reality came crashing back in. It was December 25th, Christmas day, a day she was forever doomed to spend alone. Even Abby and Connor had left her.

Jess felt miserable, worse than she had in a long time. She knew she shouldn't have let herself get so attached to spending Christmas with the couple over the last few years, but their joy had been infectious and Jess had found herself beginning to enjoy the holidays again. She had known it would all have to come to an end eventually, but had hoped that day would be far off.

Now she was back to being alone and it felt worse than she remembered. She felt so upset by all of it she hadn't even bothered to decorate her flat this year, not wanting the reminders of Christmases past that the ornaments would bring.

Deciding that the sooner she starts the day the sooner her misery would be over, Jess pulls herself out of bed and heads downstairs for her morning cup of coffee.

At the bottom of the stairs Jess came to a stop, shocked at what she saw. Her front room had been decorated with tinsel and fairy lights, in the far corner sat a six foot tree covered in the decorations she had bought with Abby and Connor when they spent their first Christmas together.

 _What the hell? Was I sleep decorating or something? How did all of this get here?_

It was as she was wondering how her flat came to be in this festive state that Jess noticed the figure crouched in front of the tree. Sensing that she had entered the room the figure stood up and turned around.

"Becker? What are you doing here? How did you get in? Where did all this come from?"

"Abby gave me the key her and Connor have for emergencies. The decorations are the ones you used when Abby and Connor lived here and came from your hallway cupboard; the tree came from a department store and was actually quite hard to find. Not a lot of places still stock them on Christmas Eve, I got lucky. This old woman took pity on me when she heard why I needed one so late and tracked it down for me. Did that answer everything?"

"Everything except why you're here…not that it isn't nice to see you."

"Abby told me why you've been so upset lately…and, well…I wasn't going to let you spend Christmas alone."

"What about your family."

"Ah, well." Becker ran his hand through his hair nervously. "I was hoping you'd agree to join me for lunch at my parents."

Jess was stunned; she couldn't believe Becker had just asked her to have lunch with not only him, but his family as well.

"I know that probably doesn't sound like the most appealing option." Becker continued before she could say anything. "Which is why Abby and I organised to have dinner at their place tonight, Matt and Emily will be coming as well."

Jess was speechless. She couldn't believe Becker would go to so much trouble just to make her feel less alone. She couldn't remember the last time someone had tried so hard to make her happy. She didn't think anyone other than her parents had ever cared about her enough to go to all the effort, which meant it had been quite a few years since someone had cared about her this much. She didn't know what to say. How do you tell someone that they'd just made you feel a type of love you hadn't felt in years?

"That is if you want to, don't feel like you have to come, if you'd rather be alone I understand." Becker said, Jess had a feeling he was mistaking her silence as reluctance to join him. "But I'd really like it if you'd join me today."

It was those words that pushed Jess over the edge, and the tears she had been holding back all week began to fall.

"No, Jess, please don't cry." Becker began, clearly thinking that he was the reason for Jess's tears. In moments he was across the room. He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears away from under Jess's eyes and then pulled her to him. "I'm sorry, I didn't…"

Jess pulled back, just far enough for her to look up at him while staying in his arms. She had to explain to him why she was crying, she couldn't let him think it was his fault.

"No, no, it's not you. Well, it is, but not because you've upset me. You have no idea how much this means to me."

Acting on instinct, Jess reached up and softly pressed her lips to Becker's. It didn't take long before she felt Becker respond to the kiss, his hands going to her hips. But moments later he pulled away, ending their first kiss and it was then that Jess realised what she'd just done.

"Oh God," Jess pulled further away from him, her eyes dropping to the ground. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I know you don't feel the same way-"

"Jess stop." She looked up at the force behind Becker's words. "Please don't apologise. The only reason I stopped was because I didn't know how you felt, and I didn't want it to seem like I was taking advantage of you."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I care about you, a lot. If you don't trust my words just look around, do you honestly believe I would have done all this if I didn't?"

He paused and Jess saw him take a deep breath, like he was gathering his courage.

"Jess, I love you. From the day I met you I knew that there was something different about you, that you were unlike any woman I'd ever met before; and the more I got to know you, the stronger my feelings grew. I've woken up every day loving you more than I did the night before, and I'm just sorry I didn't tell you sooner. If I had, maybe I could've spared you some of the sadness you've felt over the past few weeks."

Jess was stunned, she had been dreaming about this happening for months now, but hadn't actually believed it would. She couldn't believe that Becker had actually just confessed to loving her, or that he'd done it so eloquently.

Jess kissed him again, this time putting everything she felt for him into the kiss. They stayed kissing in the middle of the room until their need for air became too great and they reluctantly pulled apart, resting their foreheads together.

"I love you too."

###

That night, after returning from lunch with Becker's family and dinner with the team, Jess and Becker sat together on the couch in Jess's living room. The small Christmas lights adorning the tree were the only source of light, and Christmas carols played softly from the speakers above the TV. Jess was curled up with her head resting on Becker's chest, his arm around her shoulders.

Even now Jess was having trouble wrapping her head around the turn today had taken. She had expected to spend the day alone, trying not to think about the fact that she was spending another Christmas by herself. But instead she had spent the day with a family that had welcomed her with open arms, and the evening with friends who cared about her deeply.

Lunch with Becker's family had been more enjoyable than she had first thought it would be. She had been reluctant to go at first; though Becker had assured her that he had spoken with his mother—who was happy for Jess to join them—she had still felt like she would be intruding. But after some convincing from Becker she had agreed to go.

But once she had arrived those feelings disappeared. His family had welcomed her warmly; his mother and sisters had embraced her, telling her they were happy to finally meet one of Becker's girlfriends. While his brother had looked at her then promptly turned to Becker and told him she was too good for him. Becker had rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around her.

At first, Jess was a little uncomfortable at being treated like Becker's girlfriend. Sure they had confessed their feelings for each other that morning, but they hadn't discussed where their relationship would go from there. Though when Becker didn't correct them she relaxed, thinking that maybe that was where their relationship would now go.

From Becker's parents' they went to Abby and Connor's for dinner, which was just as enjoyable as lunch had been. The team talked and joked over the meal, appreciating the fact that they were spending time together where they didn't have to worry about running off to close rips in time at a moment's notice.

Jess had thought that while they were at dinner Becker would have acted more like he did at work than when they were with his family. But he surprised her by continuing to show the same level of affection he had been showing her all day. This went further to convince her that their relationship had taken the turn she had been hoping it would for months now. Even more surprising though, was that aside from a look from Abby, their friends didn't comment on their new found closeness.

Becker stroking her arm softly brought Jess's thoughts back to the present. Jess looked up at the man she was cuddled up against and smiled. Bathed in the soft glow coming from the Christmas tree, Becker looked even handsomer than he did usually.

"Thank you." Jess whispered.

"For what?"

"For the present you gave me."

Becker looked down at her, clearly confused.

"You gave me someone to spend Christmas with, saving me from another holiday by myself feeling miserable. That's the best gift anyone could have given me."

"I would do anything to make you happy Jess. I love you, and I promise that as long as I'm around you will never spend another holiday alone."

His words made her feel more loved than she had in a long time, and she smiled up at him.

"I love you too."

Jess settled back against him, happy that for the first time in years she had truly had a merry Christmas.

 _Oh, I just want you for my own_

 _More than you could ever know_

 _Make my wish come true_

 _Baby, all I want for Christmas is you._


End file.
